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How to host a holiday party like a pro and be the best mom ever

12/15/2014

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As we are coming closer to the peak of the holiday season, spending time with family and hosting the perfect holiday party is on the mind of many moms out there, including myself. For me, spending time with my family, as well as cooking or baking in the kitchen is as much fun as it is a coping mechanism to unwind after a busy day of counseling and psychotherapy. I love being available and present for my clients, which requires me to lead by example and take care of my own mental health. So, being the best mom I can be and hosting holiday celebrations with family and friends is my way of taking care of myself and my family at the same. 
I make it sound easy, but many of you know that it is not quite as simple as that. To help you celebrate the holidays like a pro and be the best mom ever, here are a few simple steps to keep in mind:
1. Plan and manage your time wisely - stressing yourself about decorating, cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids all at the same time would ruin the fun of having your friends and family over. 


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Profession Mother: What makes you feel proud to be a mother?

12/11/2014

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Earlier this year, I launched "Profession Mother: A-mom-to-moms rubric" or your question and answer, one mother to another column on motherhood, children and everything in-between. What I failed to do, however, is commit on how often I will write on all issues mothers face and how you, my readers, can ask your questions on the one and only Profession Mother. 
So, here it is: because I am a mother myself (my baby girl just turned one in November), a counseling private practice owner (Inside Family Counseling, LLC), a blogger, an author of Mental Health Digest electronic magazine, a wife and a therapist, I cannot commit to posting twice a week or even once every week. So let me start with twice a month, i.e. once every other week, and see how it goes. In order to do that, though, I need your help! 
I need to hear your questions, comments, concerns. So here is my appeal to YOU MOMS, regardless of whether you are a mom-to-be, a new mom, a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, a single mom, a step-mom, an adoptive mom or a grand-mom, remember to make room in your busy week to celebrate yourself and your most important job, that of raising human beings as functional and productive members of our society. To do so, I ask you to read my blog posts and please, tell me, were they helpful? Did they inspire you to do something nice for you or your family ? What questions did they raise for you? What did they make you think of? 
This is the best way for me to be there for you and your family, and to answer your most pressing questions about motherhood, child rearing and everything in-between. Let's create a space together, where you feel heard, noticed, appreciated and celebrated! Because, remember, WHEN MOM IS HAPPY, EVERYONE IS HAPPY!
So, to get you started, here is my very first question for you: 
What makes you feel proud to be a mother? For me right now, it's my daughter's very first Bulgarian word, "ta-to-o" ("tatko"), which means "daddy." 
Looking forward to your responses!



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12 Signs that your teen may need therapy around the holidays

12/10/2014

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Just because it's the holiday season, it doesn't mean that it is all merry and jolly at home. If you happen to be wondering whether or not your adolescent boy or girl may need to see a professional, here are 12 signs to be on the lookout at home or at school that may indicate a need for therapy:

1. Concern from teachers and school counselors or social workers - school staff are usually the first to alert parents that something may be going on with their son or daughter. If the school counselor or social worker express concerned for your teen’s behavior or emotional state, you may want to ask them for a therapist referral. 

2. Unusual change or decrease in academic performance - emotional problems are one of the top deterrers to learning and academic success. If your teen is suddenly struggling to perform at school and the teachers are concerned, this may indicate an emotional difficulty that requires therapeutic intervention.

3. Skipping school and classes - truancy and delinquent behaviors are another indicator that something may be interfering with your teen’s ability to function academically and seeking professional help may be beneficial. 

4. Frequent arguments at home - every teenager argues with his parents in an attempt to assert their independence and sense of autonomy. However, if the arguments are persistent and worrisome, you may want to consult a professional. 

5. Substance abuse (alcohol, marijuana, etc.) - substance abuse is probably the most widely used, self-medicating tool used by both teens and adults to cope with emotional difficulties.

6. Recent change in the family (divorce, separation, etc.) - parental and marital discord is always hard on the children. Professional counseling offers ways to reduce the negative impact of the disruption for the whole family. 

7. Loss/death in the family - unexpected life circumstances put strain on every family. Therapy provides a space to make sense of the nonsensical and cope with the loss in a healthy way.

8. Traumatic experiences - physical, sexual or emotional abuse are among the most common reasons for people to seek out professional counseling.

9. Angry outbursts and getting into fights - what cannot be expressed through words is often communicated through action - fights, delinquent behaviors, drinking, etc. This is usually a clear indication that your teen may benefit from psychotherapy. 

10. Self-injurious and risky behavior - self-injurious and risk taking behaviors are often signs that your teen is struggling with emotional issues and is trying to cope with them the best way they can.

11. Sexual acting out - teens usually engage in sexual exploration one way or another. However, premature sexualized behavior and comments may be signs of deeper struggles.

12. Withdrawn and isolative behavior can be easily neglected as it is not explosive or loud in any way. However, it may indicate that your teen is depressed and getting a professional opinion is crucial for your kid’s safety.
Remember, the holiday season is a wonderful time to spend with family and friends but it can also be a stressful time for many. Take care of yourself and your family for a warm, happy winter. 

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Why you need to say "No" to your teen

12/4/2014

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    "No" is every parent's best ally starting from age eight months, when your baby begins exploring the world around them, and continuing into young adulthood. "No" is especially important during adolescence though many parents find it difficult to say it and stick to it. 
      Why is it important to say "No" anyway? Let us take the little eight-month old baby, for example. The first time parents begin to utter this new word and set a limit is usually because the little explorer is about to get him/herself in trouble by pulling the electrical cords, sticking objects into the outlets or putting hazardous or potentially deadly things into their mouths. We say “No” to indicate that there is a danger, that something must not be reached, touched or done, and we usually follow up on our word with an action - remove the object or remove the baby. 
       The same is true in adolescence: “No, you cannot drink alcohol until you are 21.” “No, you cannot drive a car until you get a license.” “No, you cannot be outside after the curfew.” The bottom line is that we begin saying "No" to ensure our kids' physical safety first and emotional safety later, and to begin introducing them into a world of social responsibility where actions have consequences.
       The difference between the baby and the teenager is that the teenager talks back, demands an explanation and is far more difficult to contain. With the teenager, it is important to follow up your “No” with an explanation that makes sense, is based on your personal example and on the legitimate rules of the society you live in. Ideally, the limits we set with adolescents attempt to find the right balance between giving them a sense of control, while maintaining ours at the same time. 
      There is a difficulty, however. Despite their desire for independence and autonomy, teenagers are neither physiologically nor psychologically mature enough to be on their own. Combined with the typical illusory sense of invincibility many adolescence seem to experience, they are that much more susceptible to act impulsively and often dangerously. They literally test the boundaries of their own body and mind, often experimenting with their physical appearance and piercings, trying various substances, making obscure music choices and engaging in risky relationships. It may sound paradoxical, but as difficult as it may be to say “No” and stick to it, the limit set actually reduces the adolescent’s anxiety and serves as an emotional as well as a literal protector. 
        Not only that but usually, if the parents do not set the limits, the adolescent would search for the “No” s/he never heard elsewhere. Unfortunately, rarely do troubled young people seek limits in positive directions such as sports, music, art or peer groups. Often, they turn to the gang, to drugs or alcohol, to fights, to self-injury or risky behaviors, sometimes even suicide. These are some of the consequences of living with no limits and no boundaries and the adolescent’s attempt to cope with the internal turmoil introduced as a result. The worst violation of boundaries and lack of limits are the cases of sexual and physical abuse, a terrifying “normal” experience for some people. It’s painful to hear my patient’s stories of parents, who failed them one way or another…
       As parents, we have a responsibility to our children. Saying “No” is one of them. And sometimes, that includes saying “No” to ourselves. 


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    Hi, I'm Misha!

    I am a licensed clinical professional counselor and founder of Inside Family Counseling, LLC. 
    I specializes in counseling troubled children and adolescents, who face behavioral and emotional challenges at home and at school. My mission is to empower, support and guide children, adolescents and their parents to a happy and healthy family.  

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Inside Family Counseling, LLC

Professional Counseling For You and Your Family
​
​Mihaela Bernard, MA, LCPC
111 E. First Street, Suite 101
Elmhurst, IL 60126
773-470-3106
info@mishabernard.com 
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