As a parent, noticing that something may be different about your baby can be quite worrisome. Naturally, if you are a worrier (and what mother isn't), your mind may jump to various, scary scenarios. Questions like "Is something wrong with my baby?" "Is my baby autistic?," "Is s/he developmentally delayed?," "Is this normal?", "Do I need to worry" are not unusual, especially for a first-time parent.

If you do what most people do nowadays, you are probably frantically researching countless of websites, blog posts and articles to help you find some answers, which may have lead you to this post. Many parenting posts mention that each child is different and takes things at his/her own pace, leaving it open for interpretation if your baby is indeed delayed in their development. That can be even more confusing.

Are you a parent of a child or children with special needs? If so, kudos to you! You have one of the hardest jobs out there - being a full time caregiver to a child with special needs can be both physically and emotionally draining, not to mention the impact it has on your romantic relationship.

It takes twice as much effort for parents of children with special needs to stay intimately connected to one another and it is not unusual for people to struggle to do so between all IEP meetings, therapy appointments and after-school supports. If you can relate, this article is meant for you. 

2. Be consistent - Establish predictable routines and natural consequences for your child's (mis)behavior and be consistent in sticking to them. Having a structure on the outside makes it easier for kids with ADHD to develop a structure on the inside as well. Together, you can create a visual reminder with both pictures and simple words of what they can expect on any given day such as morning and evening routine. Post it somewhere that is easy for your kids to see such as on the wall or on their desk and reference it over and over again.

3. Be reliable - Say what you mean and mean what you say. There is nothing more confusing for an anxious child then telling them to do something or threatening them with something that you do not mean and that does not happen. Words lose meaning this way and they lose trust in you as a reliable person. Your actions need to support your words. If you say you are going to do something, do it. 

4. Be predictable - By being consistent and reliable, you become predictable for your child. S/he knows what to expect and build a sense of trust and security in you. Predictability, reliability and consistency are the three pillars of secure parent-child relationship that lay the foundation for growth and healthy development. There is room to be spontaneous but it is best saved for play times.

5. Set limits - Limits provide structure and frame the anxiety.  As long as they are set in a respectful, healthy way, limits and boundaries create a sense of safety, and lay a solid ground for exploration, play and creativity. Having too much freedom can often create too much anxiety. By providing a structured environment for your child, you help reduce the anxiety and channel your child’s energy into productive, socially acceptable activities.

An example 
Finally,  something I learned when working in a residential treatment center in Chicago for emotionally disturbed children, many of whom had an ADHD or severe anxiety diagnoses, was to always think about what the child feels and needs at the moment. Oftentimes, they cannot communicate to you verbally what they need or how they feel. Instead, they show you through their actions or behaviors and learning to decode this communication is part of being able to support them and respond to their needs.

For example, instead of saying “Mom, Dad, I am feeling overwhelmed because I do not understand this homework assignment,” they may throw away the assignment book and say something like “I do not want to do my homework! It’s boring!” If you ask yourself the question, “What is my child feeling and needing at the moment” before you respond, you may realize that the homework is too difficult for them and they probably need you to help them complete it. Saying something like, "Do not worry, it is a really difficult assignment. Let's look at it piece by piece and do it together. I can help you," can oftentimes go a long way.  
 




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Residential schools provide special education and therapeutic services to students with psychiatric disorders that prevent them from being successful in a regular school setting.  

Typically, residential care is necessary when your child’s safety is at risk, s/he cannot be successful in a regular school setting despite special accommodations made to provide emotional and educational support, and, often, after multiple psychiatric hospitalizations.  

The decision to have your child placed in a residential school is usually made by the school treatment team as a part of his/her Individual Education Plan (IEP), and usually, it is the school district that funds room and board. As a parent, you are a part of the IEP team and your observations, wishes and concerns are taken into consideration when making the decision. 

For three years, I was a counselor and then a dormitory manager in one such special workplace, the Sonia Shankman Orthogenic School at the University of Chicago. The kids I encountered there were smart kids, sensitive kids, troubled but gifted, challenging and often very demanding emotionally. Their families could no longer manage them safely at home and reached out for help.

In order to meet their needs, residential schools provide 24/7 supervision, around the clock therapeutic services, including milieu, group and individual therapy, crisis intervention and special education instruction. A multidisciplinary team of dedicated professionals works together to address all aspects of your child’s life from leisure activities and schoolwork to psychiatric and medical care.

It is not unusual for schools to recommend family therapy as one of the many therapeutic services available to you and your child. In fact, oftentimes, it is crucial for the family to engage in the treatment for a long-lasting change to occur. 

Unfortunately, residential care is expensive and insurance companies rarely provide reimbursement for such long-term treatment. Not only that, but making the decision to have your child live in a therapeutic setting away from you is often a very difficult decision to make. Families often need extensive support when faced with such decisions or when they no longer feel in control at home. I continue to provide support to such kids and families in private practice. Because when it is all said and done, it is really worth it!