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How to set limits with your small child: Do's and Don'ts 

1/27/2015

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How to set limits with your small child
Do you remember when your toddler learned to say “No” and that was the answer to pretty much every question you asked them? There is a reason why children enjoy saying “No” - this is how they assert themselves as separate beings from you, with their own will and sense of self. As normal as this development is, it doesn't make it any easier for you to deal with your small child’s self assertions. How do you set limits with your kid without injuring their sense of pride or self-esteem? 

One of the first female psychoanalysts who worked with children in Europe, Francoise Dolto, used a powerful metaphor for the importance of limits for young children. She suggested to think of your child as a growing plant who needs pruning in order to continue to grow strong and healthy. If you do not prune your plants, they stop growing and eventually start to decay. The same is true for young children - they need guidance, limit setting and encouragement in order to develop as healthy and skillful young people. Limits provide a sense of security and safety, decrease anxiety and open room for creativity and self expression. So:

Do say “No.” One of the most important limits for your toddler is to learn to keep him/herself and other people safe, i.e. not to hurt themselves or others. 


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How to create healthy eating habits for your kids and family

1/18/2015

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healthy eating habits
Healthy eating habits are about so much more than simply a fit figure or a healthy body. Food is often a metaphor for mother's love, attention and care - a representation of our first and most fundamental human relationship. It relates to self-esteem, body image and feelings of worth and contentment. 

It is not uncommon in psychotherapy to meet people, for whom "the food" was never "good enough;" who are always "hungry" for love, validation, care and appreciation, the (perceived) lack of which then becomes a concrete longing for food, alcohol, sex or a substance of some sort. The result - a distorted self image, feeling of insecurity and worthlessness, unhealthy eating (drinking) habits (too much or too little food), attempting to fill a void impossible to fill or deny a need never expressed. People may struggle with addiction, fluctuation in weight, feelings of self-deprecation and lack of confidence or positive self-esteem. 
There are many factors that contribute to these difficulties, of course, but I am simply illustrating the importance of that foundation between mother and children, represented by food. Here are a few simple things you can do to help your kids develop proper eating habits and healthy relationships:


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What does good enough mother mean?                                 Loss and grief as depicted in the movie "Wild"

1/5/2015

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Good enough mother
As a busy mother and a therapist, making time for date night is a rare occurrence. Yet, when it does happen, I feel inspired and rejuvenated in both my personal and professional life. Over the holidays, my husband and I managed to escape from parental responsibility and dirty diapers for a night and enjoyed a lovely dinner at a local Italian restaurant, followed by a movie, "Wild." It got me thinking about motherhood, raising children and the important things in life - beauty, creativity, nature and the incredible resilience of the human. I wanted to share my thoughts with you and pay tribute to all mothers out there, yet again! 
 If you have not seen it yet, “Wild” depicts the real-life story of a young woman, who decides to literally “walk her way back to the woman her mother raised her to be” after her mother unexpectedly dies of cancer at 45. We see how the pain of the loss overwhelms her and pushes her to act in an effort to cope, unfortunately, a self-destructive one. Promiscuity, drugs and adultery become trusted companions, who make her feel ecstatic for a short period of time, forgetting the deeply saddening loss of her mother - a woman of happiness, hope and joy for life even in the face of poverty and abuse. 
     When the sexual escapades leave her divorced, pregnant and disgusted with the woman, she had turned into, the grieving daughter embarks on a hiking journey through the Pacific Crest Trail, alone with her thoughts, memories and grief. We are invited to experience the pain of mourning the most important person in ones life, our mother, and eventually find ourselves inspired, with a new appreciation for beauty and good enough mothering.


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    Hi, I'm Misha!

    I am a licensed clinical professional counselor and founder of Inside Family Counseling, LLC. 
    I specializes in counseling troubled children and adolescents, who face behavioral and emotional challenges at home and at school. My mission is to empower, support and guide children, adolescents and their parents to a happy and healthy family.  

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Inside Family Counseling, LLC

Professional Counseling For You and Your Family
​
​Mihaela Bernard, MA, LCPC
111 E. First Street, Suite 101
Elmhurst, IL 60126
773-470-3106
info@mishabernard.com 
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