<![CDATA[Inside Family Counseling, LLC - Parenting Blog]]>Tue, 25 Jun 2024 20:18:45 -0700Weebly<![CDATA[13 Reasons Why Parents Should Pay Close Attention to Their Teen's (Social) Life: Lessons from Netflix Original Series "13 Reasons Why"]]>Wed, 19 Apr 2017 20:24:23 GMThttps://www.mishabernard.com/parenting-blog/13-reasons-why-parents-should-pay-close-attention-to-their-teens-social-life-lessons-from-netflix-original-series-13-reasons-whyPicture
Number 1. Adolescence is marked by the invincibility syndrome. 
Number 2. Relationships with peers become more important than relationships with parents and family.
Number 3. Sexuality and dating…
Number 4. Risk taking behaviors are developmentally appropriate but still risky. 
Number 5. Teenagers are impulsive.
Number 6. Even though their bodies are becoming more adult, they still think like teenagers.
Number 7. EVERYTHING that peers say or think becomes important.
Number 8. Teenagers are at risk for suicide if struggling with mental health issues that are often escalated by social status and peer relationships. 
Number 9. Girlfriends and boyfriends can influence behavior, sometimes leading to devastating consequences.
Number 10. Teenagers are at risk for substance abuse and sexually acting out at parties and sleepovers.
Number 11. Adolescents begin to pay more attention to problems and issues within the family and often seek an escape in friendships. 
Number 12. The types of friends teens have is usually reflective of their internal emotional and psychological state.
Number 13. An empathic, understanding and authoritative (NOT authoritarian) parent, who is involved in their teen’s life, can provide much needed support, appropriate limits, education and professional help if needed.
]]><![CDATA[5 Signs that your child is being bullied at school]]>Sun, 19 Feb 2017 22:12:55 GMThttps://www.mishabernard.com/parenting-blog/5-signs-that-your-child-is-being-bullied-at-schoolPicture
Kids tease each other all the time, that’s a given. But when do the funny jokes become flat out bullying and how can you recognize the signs that your kid may be the victim of it? 
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It's always a tricky situation to handle as a parent because you don't want to embarrass your child but you also don't want to let the bullying continue. Consulting with a professional is a good idea, especially if you want to boost your kids' self esteem by talking to another trusted adult other than yourself (kids often don't want to talk to their parents about this).

Let's take a look at several signs, behaviors and risk factors for bullying at school. 

  1. Certain ages are at higher risk for bullying - middle school for boys and early to late adolescence for girls. 
  2. Preoccupation with social media - if a kid is inseparable from their phone, it may be a sign that something emotionally and psychologically important is happening in the cyber world.  
  3. Increased irritability, defiance and arguments at home - kids don’t have the emotional capacity to communicate their feelings and frustrations; they act them out instead.  
  4. Suicidal comments - children’s self-esteem is highly impacted by their peers’ opinions. Self-loathing as a result of internalized negative comments by peers can lead to suicidal ideation.
  5. Depression and anger sometimes follow as a result of bullying too. You may hear your kid make suicidal comments, struggle with their self-esteem or get unreasonably angry. These behaviors may be a sign that your kid is being bullied at school and is struggling to cope with it. 
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If you are concerned about your child and you think they may be bullied, call for a free 15-minute consultation to see if counseling may be a good fit for your family. 
]]><![CDATA[When is the right time to bring your child to a specialist]]>Sun, 22 Jan 2017 18:03:55 GMThttps://www.mishabernard.com/parenting-blog/when-is-the-right-time-to-bring-your-child-to-a-specialistPicture
As parents, we want to think that we know best what is good for our children and how to help them when they are struggling.

Yet, we are only human and we are not expected to know everything and be 100% comfortable handling all child-rearing situations and developmental issues. 

So how do you know when is the right time to bring your child to a professional? Here are a some examples of good reasons to get some help:
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  • Your kid is going through a stage in development that was particularly difficult for you when you were younger.
  • You feel out of control in your relationship with your kid(s).
  • You and your partner are not on the same page about discipline and often disagree, creating confusion for the kids. 
  • Your family is going through a major change or challenge (loss, death, illness, divorce, moving, separation, etc.). 
  • Something about your kid is different and you are having a hard time addressing it alone.
  • Your child/teenager is telling you that they want to talk to somebody. 
  • Your kids is acting out at school and/or at home and nothing seems to help make things better. 
  • Your pediatrician recommends that you find a counselor for your kid.
  • Teachers and/or social workers at school are expressing concern for your child's behavior and emotional well-being. 
Do you recognize yourself in any of the above? Email me your concerns to see whether this is the right time for you to get some professional help. 
]]><![CDATA[Family Matters: What You Can and Cannot Control]]>Sat, 14 Jan 2017 00:57:52 GMThttps://www.mishabernard.com/parenting-blog/family-matters-what-you-can-and-cannot-controlPicture
There are a few things in life we don’t really get to choose - our name, our biological sex and our parents/family. I suppose we don’t really get to choose our children either - we decide to have them and we get what we get. ​

We do, however, get to make some choices and this is what I want to focus on today. Read along to find out what I mean. 

The question I want us to think about is this:

Why is it that the people we love the most we end up hurting the most and vice versa - the people we love the most end up hurting us the most (and what can we do about it)?

When I say hurt, I mean all possible ways one can hurt another either consciously or unconsciously - fights, arguments, extramarital affairs, betrayal, domestic violence, physical and sexual abuse from family members, volatile and outright destructive relationships, neglect, criticism, etc… 
I think one of the reasons we end up hurting each other is simply because we are HUMAN. We have needs, thoughts, dreams, wishes, fantasies, desires and feelings that we often end up acting on in other people’s expense. People, who care about us have their own idea of who we should be in relation to them. When we are not that, they feel hurt or hurt us in return… 

Here is the part that I love and that we DO get to choose - we do not have control over the family we are born and raised into but we do have control over the partner we choose to form our own family with and the example we want to set together. We do also have control over whether or not we stay in a relationship with that partner and make it work no matter what. Either way, we are faced with the consequences for our decisions but most importantly, our children are faced with the consequences of our decisions. 

So, family does matter and family matters can be messy, complicated and charged with emotions. What's important is to be able to talk about them with yourself, with your partner or someone else, a professional maybe. Because if there is one thing we all have in common, this is it - we all have a childhood experience and parents, and we all one day grow up and become the adults for the next generation of children.

If there is one thing we can do to make the world a better place for them it is to teach them how to talk about things and how to face the consequences of their actions. In order to do that, we need to do it ourselves first, and THAT we can control. 

If you happen to be one of the lucky people out there, who has a close-knit, generally well-functioning family without much drama, please, take a moment to be THANKFUL for it. Tell your loved ones that you do love them and spend time together. Because we all need to feel loved and that’s really all that matters in the end.
]]><![CDATA[Guest Post: Family Moving Day: 16 Tips for a Stress Free Move]]>Mon, 28 Nov 2016 21:29:59 GMThttps://www.mishabernard.com/parenting-blog/guest-post-family-moving-day-16-tips-for-a-stress-free-move
Moving day – it’s something nearly everyone experiences several times during their lifetime, yet few know how to prepare for. Along with the excitement of moving to a new home comes the stress of the moving process. If you’re moving across town you may have the option of having friends help you with the move, but if you’re moving to another state or across the country, you’ll likely need to use the services of a moving company. These moving tips are designed to help make the transition smoother and less stressful.​

1. Book in Advance
Make sure you book a moving company at least several weeks in advance, especially if you’re moving toward the end of the month. People who rent tend to move at the end of the month when their lease is up. If you are planning to move during a holiday, be sure to make time to celebrate with your children to help transition them into the new living space by making it a fun place to be. ​
2. Read the Fine Print
Each moving company has its own rules. Make sure you understand if you are supposed to have everything boxed up and ready to go, or if the moving company will box things for you. You also want to be certain you understand the moving company’s insurance policy. Insurance may not cover damages if you don’t adhere to the policies. 

3. Make a List of Important Phone Numbers
Make a list of phone numbers that includes the movers; electric, water, gas, cable and internet companies, etc. If you have small children, you may want to include the number to their new daycare and make plans for them to attend daycare on moving day so they won’t be bored while the movers get everything loaded at the old house or unloaded at the new house. If you children are school age, be sure to gather their school records or have them sent ahead to the new school so they will be ready to start when you arrive at the new home. 

4. Make a To-Do List for Both Ends of the Move
In the excitement of the move, you may be overwhelmed and things will go much smoother with a to-do list, such as - clean old house, clean kitchen and bathrooms at new house, have electricity, water, cable, gas, and internet turned on at new house, etc.

5. Purge
Get rid of items that no longer serve you. Have a garage sale, sell them online, or donate them to charity. There is no sense in hauling items you don’t want from one place to another. Let your kids go through their toys to donate and try to make it as fun as possible as you prepare them for the move. 

6. Change Your Address
Submit your change of address with the USPS a few weeks prior to your move. Also, submit a change of address with other government agencies, such as the IRS, State Motor Vehicle Agency, State Election Office, and if applicable, the Social Security Administration and Department of Veteran Affairs.

7. Pack a Few Boxes for Car Transport
Fragile keepsakes, important documents such as tax info, etc., cleaning supplies, paper towels, and toilet paper, should all go with you in the car. Don’t forget personal items such as medications, toiletries, a change of clothes, sound machine, chargers for phones and computers, and pillows. You’ll want these items to be easily accessible once you arrive at your new home.

8. Make Hotel Reservations if Applicable
If you’re moving cross-country, you may want to consider stopping at a hotel for the night instead of driving the entire way. Book reservations in advance.

9. Decide Where Your Furniture Will Go in Your New Home
Decide in advance where you want your furniture to go in the new house. You can change your mind later, but having some idea of where everything is going to go makes your job a lot easier if the movers can place furniture in the rooms in which it will be staying.

10. Make Arrangements for Parking and Move In
Depending on where you’re moving, you may need to make arrangements ahead of time for parking and move in. Many high-rise condominium and apartment buildings in larger cities require you to block off time for the freight elevator. Don’t get caught off guard and have no way to move your furniture in. Check with the manager of your building at least several weeks in advance.

11. Make Final Preparations
Prior to moving day have your clothes picked out (something comfortable), coffee ready to make, and the items for car transport together. Be sure to pack a small bag with travel games, games to keep their brains coloring books and other small items to keep the kids busy during the drive or flight to the new city or state. 

12. Try to Relax on Moving Day
When moving day arrives, try to relax before the craziness begins. Get up early and have a cup of coffee, sit for a moment and enjoy the final moments in your old home. Once the movers arrive, oversee the packing process. If you are unable to supervise yourself, have someone there to do it for you. Make certain you get a bill of lading from the moving company and that you understand it.

13. Nourish and Hydrate
Of course, you want to make sure you eat and stay hydrated, but it’s also a good idea to nourish and hydrate the moving crew. It is not required, but the moving company you hire will appreciate your generosity. Have bottled water on hand and order pizza or have someone pick up take-out food.

14. Make One Last Check
Once everything is loaded onto the truck, you’ll want to clean your old house and do one last pass-through to make sure you’ve gotten everything. Check all closets, drawers, shelves, medicine cabinets, garage, etc. 

15. Arrive at Your New Home Before the Movers
Try to arrive at your new home before the movers so you can oversee the placement of your stuff, especially heavier furniture items that you’ll want to avoid having to move again later. Do a walk-through, and clean the bathrooms and kitchen prior to the movers’ arrival.

16. Just Breathe!
Now the excitement of living in a new home and a new city begins. Take a deep breath. You did it! 

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