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7 Secrets to a Happy, Long-Term Relationship

6/29/2015

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As time goes by in a relationship, the initial excitement of getting to know somebody, falling in love with them and feeling those butterflies in your stomach every time you see or touch them taper off. 

Usually, somewhere between the first one to three years into a relationship, we start to settle in and what once felt like a magical, blissful state of enchantment turns into a more comfortable, relaxed and homey feeling of being together. 

But how do we maintain that initial flame, that passion and excitement that drew us into our partner in the first place once the knot is tied and we are one our lives happily ever after?

 Secret #1: Take care of yourself 
Taking care of your body and mind is probably the best way to sustain a happy and fulfilling relationship - if you don’t feel good about the way you look and feel, you can’t really expect to feel good in a relationship either. Often, once we feel at ease with our partner, we forget to walk that extra mile and put our best selves forward. But it is important that you pay attention to your attractive self both for your own and for your partner’s sake. 

Secret #2: Don’t take each other for granted: One of the most exciting feelings when starting a new relationship is the experience of being idealized, adored and valued by another for who you are and what you do. We sometimes forget to show our partners how much we appreciate them and how important they are to us, especially after we’ve been together for awhile. Don’t take your partner for granted and show them how much s/he means to you. We all need some special attention every once in awhile. 

Secret #3: Be spontaneous and break away from the routines: Another exciting part of being in a new relationship that tends to dissipate as the years go by is the sense of spontaneity and novelty that comes with getting to know someone for the first time. Make some room to get to know your partner in a different light, try new activities or places and challenge yourself to break away from the comfortable and familiar routine - be spontaneous, surprise each other. 

Secret #4: Have sex more often and experiment:  Sex is like a drug - the more you have it, the more you want to have it; the more you get of the same dose, the more tolerant you get to it. Mixing things up and allowing room for spontaneity and improvisation keeps things interesting, especially when you know and trust each other. 

Secret #5: Make time for just the two of you as in the good old days: 
This goes without saying but I am going to say it anyway: go out on dates and vacations just the two of you, especially if you have kids and us now equals you two plus the kids and the pets. 

Secret #6: Have some alone time  Sometimes, the best thing you can do for your relationship is to leave it for a few hours and spend some time alone. Having your own space, hobby and interests is essential. 

Secret #7: Surround yourself with other happy couples and spend time with friends: Spending time with friends, who share similar circumstances and values brings fresh energy and laughs into your home, much needed when you plan on happily ever after. 

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    Hi, I'm Misha!

    I am a licensed clinical professional counselor and founder of Inside Family Counseling, LLC. 
    I specializes in counseling troubled children and adolescents, who face behavioral and emotional challenges at home and at school. My mission is to empower, support and guide children, adolescents and their parents to a happy and healthy family.  

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​Mihaela Bernard, MA, LCPC
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Elmhurst, IL 60126
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